I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
