so that wasnt chicken after all
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
