Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
