He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You were trust falling into bushes
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
