I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
