Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
