just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
