i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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