i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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