I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
