I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
