We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize