We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
