I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
