..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have feelings that need drinking.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
