I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
