i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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