I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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