Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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