Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
