It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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