there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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