first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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