forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
