why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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