the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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