doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
