I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Someone came in the potted fern
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
