i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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