when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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