i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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