I think my vagina is haunted
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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