I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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