I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
