Apparently you make a good broom.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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