it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
