Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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