i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
