what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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