I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
