Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
