dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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