If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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