so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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