I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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