i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
