I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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