He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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