I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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