well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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