I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
