i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
