Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize