my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
