If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
