What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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