I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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