How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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