Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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