I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
