We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
