apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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