I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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