Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
