I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
