We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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