wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
