I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
