Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
