Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
