He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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