when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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