your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
