Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
